I like doing that. I do that less now that I have a boyfriend; we live together (sort of, he rents a room downstairs in my house until we can move out together) and it’d be weird to not take him with me, nor do I like to go alone usually if he’s there. Why would I? He’s my BFF. But theres times when I enjoy going out alone, as if it’s me against the world again (it never was). This is all to say I went to the mall yesterday and bought a notebook and pen, as one does when they pursue productivity without making any significant action towards it. But I do do things fr!! I took my notebook with me to work today to jot ideas about this blog.

More importantly I went to Davio’s for a late lunch and they had baked alaska. I had the pleasure of eating baked alaska once in my life. It was sixth grade and Jocelyn Abdallah’s parents made some for Mrs. Freelove’s class. That shit was so good. So fucking good. So when the server came out with the dessert cart and she said baked alaska? I cut her off in excitement and said “Baked alaska?! :0” and lo and behold.

Look at that. It was even better than I remembered. The marshmallow stuff. Wow. I saved half for my boyfriend it was so good. But then I ate half of his half that night. It’s the thought that counts, I think.

There’s no expectations when you’re going out by yourself. No schedule aligning, umms and uhhs while you subtly prod to find out what the other person really wants to do. I can stand and stare at an item in indecision for as long as I want. The most common deferment I hear for going out alone is that people fear they will be judged. I’ve never felt judged, but I’ve also never considered that I would be judged until I brought up going out alone in conversation. People, women especially, are quick to think they will be silently judged for anything they do. It sucks. I was the same; who hasn’t felt all eyes on them at some point. I think of the highschool I substitute teach at and the number of minutes some students need to hype themselves up to blow their nose at the door. You don’t want people to know you blow your nose, or something. I’m glad to be largely freed of that.